Thanks UnMediated Truth

I. Sender: through selective self presentation, people try to create the best image of themselves to get the best response.

mediatedtruth (3:15:47 AM): hello… asl please?
amfa_angeliali23 (3:16:08 AM): 23, f, phil
amfa_angeliali23 (3:16:40 AM): you? asl?
mediatedtruth (3:16:57 AM): 35, m, india
mediatedtruth (3:17:37 AM): you have many names
amfa_angeliali23 (3:18:18 AM): yeah... stupid of me
mediatedtruth (3:18:57 AM): no, that's clever, i have even more :)
amfa_angeliali23 (3:19:03 AM): its only suppose to be ali
mediatedtruth (3:20:18 AM): okay ... how do you pronounce it? ayli?
amfa_angeliali23 (3:20:45 AM): no.. like mohamod ali
amfa_angeliali23 (3:21:16 AM): the boxer
amfa_angeliali23 (3:22:19 AM): whats your name?
mediatedtruth (3:23:21 AM): faisal
amfa_angeliali23 (3:23:36 AM): interesting name...
amfa_angeliali23 (3:23:40 AM): what does it mean?
mediatedtruth (3:24:52 AM): one who makes decisions
amfa_angeliali23 (3:25:02 AM): ohh..

In this case, I logged in a Yahoo chat room for ‘book lovers’ and ‘book worms’, so from the start I expected to chat with someone who likes reading. We both started off simple and welcoming. He begins to be kind and funny as he asks about my nicknames. I try not to be embarrassed by it and still easy going and just make fun of myself. We slowly start to get to know each other.

II. Reciever: interaction begins on similarities. Things we both could relate to and understand so we could have something to talk about and things that would least likely cause any conflicts.

amfa_angeliali23 (3:26:55 AM): i understand... i'm the eldest
mediatedtruth (3:27:14 AM): me too
amfa_angeliali23 (3:27:48 AM): of how many?
mediatedtruth (3:28:43 AM): 4
amfa_angeliali23 (3:28:51 AM): i have 4 siblings
mediatedtruth (3:29:40 AM): okay
amfa_angeliali23 (3:30:24 AM): but 3 of them are half siblings
mediatedtruth (3:30:48 AM): ah, okay ... does it make a difference though?
amfa_angeliali23 (3:30:54 AM): no...
amfa_angeliali23 (3:31:12 AM): its just hard sometimes...
amfa_angeliali23 (3:31:23 AM): i'm like their mother
amfa_angeliali23 (3:32:04 AM): and i miss them cause they dont stay with us
mediatedtruth (3:32:21 AM): i understand, i also live with a stepmother
mediatedtruth (3:32:22 AM): but she doesn't have any children
…
amfa_angeliali23 (3:36:06 AM): my family isn't perfect either, but i'm lucky they try to get along
amfa_angeliali23 (3:36:29 AM): its very important to us
mediatedtruth (3:37:16 AM): yes, it's important to get along, to remain together ... help each other out
amfa_angeliali23 (3:37:35 AM): family is the most important thing
mediatedtruth (3:39:11 AM): agreed

After polite pleasantries, we both began with something we were sure we would have in common; both of us must have families. So we talked about our place in our families, our responsibilities as the eldest. Hardships and conflict within the family came up as well and we both share that burden but we both agreed that our family is the most important thing we

III. Channel: in chatting, its very uncertain of when and how to people could chat with each other again. That is why its part of our responsibility to either make sure we’ll never be able to chat again because I don’t like you, or to make sure that we will because I really enjoyed chatting with you.

mediatedtruth (3:58:26 AM): well, i need to go now, very late over here
amfa_angeliali23 (3:58:30 AM): ok..
amfa_angeliali23 (3:58:34 AM): please ad me
mediatedtruth (3:58:41 AM): i have
amfa_angeliali23 (3:58:47 AM): thanks
amfa_angeliali23 (3:58:54 AM): chat again soon i hope
mediatedtruth (3:59:06 AM): goodnight, and good luck with your ambitions to become a writer :)
amfa_angeliali23 (3:59:14 AM): thank you
amfa_angeliali23 (3:59:20 AM): good luck with your family
amfa_angeliali23 (3:59:27 AM): i hope everything will be well
mediatedtruth (3:59:51 AM): thanks, goodnight

After chatting with ‘mediatedtruth’ for about an hour, I decided that I liked chatting with him and would like to chat with him again. That’s why I asked him to add me to his YM account so that we’ll keep in touch and we’ll be able to chat again. We didn’t schedule any time in particular but a friendship was struck and we made a promise to chat again whenever we possibly could.

IV. Feedback: this is the self-fulfilling prophecy part, in which expectations are made about each other.

amfa_angeliali23 (3:25:10 AM): you must be responsible then
mediatedtruth (3:25:53 AM): yes, i try to be
amfa_angeliali23 (3:26:16 AM): thats good
…
mediatedtruth (3:39:21 AM): like i and my wife stay with my family
amfa_angeliali23 (3:39:58 AM): extended family can be difficult
mediatedtruth (3:40:41 AM): yup
…
mediatedtruth (3:44:24 AM): so what do you do for a living? i am a teacher
amfa_angeliali23 (3:44:34 AM): i'm a librarian
amfa_angeliali23 (3:45:14 AM): and a student
mediatedtruth (3:45:29 AM): okay, what kind of library do you work at?
mediatedtruth (3:45:40 AM): as a teacher, i love to use libraries
amfa_angeliali23 (3:45:42 AM): public library
amfa_angeliali23 (3:46:04 AM): me too
amfa_angeliali23 (3:46:11 AM): i plan to be a writer one day
mediatedtruth (3:46:34 AM): what kind of writer? creative writer or journalist?
amfa_angeliali23 (3:46:50 AM): creative.. scripts, stories
amfa_angeliali23 (3:47:03 AM): anything with dialouge
mediatedtruth (3:47:32 AM): ahan, it's a very challenging task
amfa_angeliali23 (3:47:57 AM): i love it
amfa_angeliali23 (3:48:36 AM): i like writing about people and how they behave
amfa_angeliali23 (3:48:41 AM): what do you teach
amfa_angeliali23 (3:48:42 AM): ???
mediatedtruth (3:49:02 AM): many things, including English literature :)
amfa_angeliali23 (3:49:12 AM): that's great

After knowing his age, his work and his family life I got the impression of how responsible, mature and dedicated he was. Being a teacher and having a wife made me think that he was settled in his life. Then learning that he was an English literature teacher really interested me. This gave me and image of him being intelligent, dignified. I could even picture him behind his desk checking his student’s test papers. His hair a bit ruffled, eyeglasses right in place. His briefcase next to his chair probably filled with the usual stuff but definitely at least one book of poems. Indirectly we didn’t just blurt out what kind of people we were, but we shared things about us that could reveal more about ourselves.

Social Information Processing theory by Joseph Walthner

This modern theory concerns how people communicate through text or written language alone, especially through internet. Computer Mediated Communication (CMC) is any form of communication done through the computer.

Social Presence theory explains how this kind of communication is different because it lacks the physical embodiment of who you are speaking to. This makes this kind of communication less personal. According to Media Richness theory, depending on what medium is used, communication can be limited and varied.

Walthner describes the difference of face-to-face communication from CMC like the difference between a gulp and a sip. Picture two glasses with the same amount of water, one is drank directly while this other is sipped through a straw. Face-to-face communication is like a gulp because it takes it all in one go, verbal and non-vernal interaction. CMC is like a sip because of the limited way of communication and takes longer.

There are two major differences between them that affect communication.
· Lack of verbal cues because they can’t be used, thus user must be more creative with the way they communicate to one another effectively.
· Needing more time because it takes longer to type than to say something.

One interesting thing that is observed during CMC is that at times it can be more effective that actually talking to someone face to face. Due to the limits it has to communicate, users need to be more forthcoming with what they want to talk about. It’s difficult to beat around the bush when you’re chatting with someone. It was concluded that CMC followed four important parts.

· Sender: which is concerned of presenting themselves as best as they can to attract another user.
· Receiver: another person who you can talk to about something you are both interested in.
· Channel: having a fixed date and/or time or exchange contact info to chat again.
· Feed-back: due to the first part of presenting the best image of oneself, the other person gets a mental image of the one they are talking to. Though they have never met in real life, it gives them the impression of knowing who they are chatting with.

Social Penetration Theory by Irwin Altman and Dalmas Taylor

This theory talks about the process of knowing someone. This can also be seen as how a relationship grows and possibly blossom into connection with each other.

Altman and Taylor use an onion to illustrate a person’s complexity. Like an onion, people are multi-layered. Through sharing and disclosure we slowly get to know someone and its like carefully peeling an onion of its layers. Then when we get to the core of someone, is when we truly know the person for who they are. This is when closeness is achieved.

There are many layers that comprise a person. First is the biological data; these are things like their appearance, name, and age. These are basic information about a person that can easily be known. Next are preferences; these are the things one would know after some time, like what someone would like. Then there are things that one would only share with some people which are their goals and aspirations in life. After that there are their beliefs and convictions that they uphold. Then there are the closely guarded secrets that one would rarely or totally avoid of speaking of. Last is the most important part, which may not even be known by the person themselves, is the concept of self.

There’s a certain process that friends undergo to fully know one another. It begins by basic information being exchanged; like ‘Hi I’m…’ This is followed by the other person’s reciprocation or ‘Hello, nice to meet you, I’m…’ It’s already established that communication is a two way road and can only be successful when the other replies. Oddly enough, this kind of growth is like a growing child. Its rapid at first then it slows down. The relationship will find itself in a comfort zone and could possibly go stagnant if neither of the people involved is interested.

Though the relationship has already started, both still have a choice to continue its growth or not. In this sensitive situation, one or both gauge their relationship and could categorize it in cost and rewards. If people are not careful with the information disclosed someone else, that someone could see their relationship with them as more of a hinder than a help. This is called comparison level.

But if the people involved do chose to continue the relationship, it still won’t be as fast as it started. It will slow down and disclosure could come fewer and far between.

Another theory, Communication Privacy Management theory, can be connected to SPT. This concerns how properly disclosure should be handled. As stated before, disclosure comes as the relationship grows and trust is built. With these disclosures, comes the responsibility of knowing them.

This in turn is connected to another topic of boundaries between people. ‘Boundary Coordination Linkage’, concerns two important things; people’s personal boundary from other’s and their link that breeches their own boundary towards others. First is the Boundary Linkage or strength of the relationship, Boundary Ownership which is the responsibility of the disclosure, Boundary Permeability or level of privacy one has. All effects the relationship who exchanged disclosures.

Expectancy Violations Theory by Judee Burgoon

This theory is about how distance can affect communication. This doesn’t only concern being too far for someone to hear you or being to near that you don’t need to yell at them. This concern the question of ‘Personal Space’ or the distance one feels comfortable with another person.

There are four levels of distances;
· Intimate distance: 0-18 inches, with a significant other or close family and friend.
· Personal distance: 18 inches- 4 feet, family and friends.
· Social distances: 4-10 feet, other acquaintances.
· Public distance: 10 feet to infinity, other people.

From the name itself, it’s idea is that when someone does something that isn’t expected of them, it has its consequences, both good and bad. Space from one another could either put someone at ease or make them uncomfortable depending on three important criterions.
· Context: certain culture’s standard of distance, what is considered acceptable in a certain society.
· Relationships: the intimacy between the speaker and the listener.
· Communication Characteristics: person’s appearance or personality.

One other important thing to concentrate on is the importance or the value of the interaction. As we talk to someone, we evaluate their action and words if it is appropriate for their discussion. This is called ‘Violation Valence’, which compares the interaction to the valence value of elements on the periodic table, which determines whether they can interact with each other or not. Everything being exchanged in the conversation could be misinterpreted and misunderstood by the listener. After the exchange, comes the evaluation of the entire interaction and its value after the positive and negative results. This is called ‘Communication Reward Valence’. It depends on the listener whether they should punish the speaker or reward them for what they did.

Symbolic Interactionism by George Herbert Mead

This theory is on Mead’s idea of how human language is directly connected to our own thinking combined with societal thinking. Symbolic Interaction is Mead’s student Herbert Blumer term for human communication. This has three core principals.

Meaning. Symbols are used this here, by putting meaning into them, causing them to symbolize something towards a person. People’s different perceptions cause different kinds of meanings. These different kinds of meanings cause different behaviors. For example, as one person perceives something as safe and another perceives it to be not then both will have different reactions to the same thing. As people give meaning to more and more symbols, Language is the exchange of these meanings. Through language people begin to share these ideas creates knowledge and collectively defines society. Interpretation of these ideas depends on their Thought, specifically, their thought process. One must think what a certain symbol means to properly understand it and to decide how to react to it.

Though those were the three core principals, there are other topics related to symbol interactionism. One is the concept of Self. Understanding the first three lets us to further understand ourselves better. We become more aware of ourselves in the concepts of ‘I’ and ‘Me’. As ‘I’ is more on how we perceive our self, ‘me’ is more of the collective perception of others. This is achieved by our Community. This is where we first experience self-image, through the eyes of others. This is our ‘generalized other’ or the image the world sees us.

Application of this theory can be done in the following:
· Creating reality
· Meaningful research
· Generalized other
· Naming
· Self-fulfilling prophecy
· Symbol manipulation

How to Lose

What is it about distance that makes people internally cringe? Is it because of being “Too close for comfort”? or “Always keeping them at arms length.”? According to Judee Burgooon, it’s about expecting something and getting something totally different.

In her theory, “Expectancy Violations Theory”, she explains how a person’s distance can affect one’s understanding of the other. There are times when we expect people to be in a certain distance from us while be communicate.

For example, in a work setting, like in a office, we don’t expect our boss to hug, kiss or be too intimate with us… at least not in front of everyone else. Husbands also expect the loving comfort of our wives, unless they did something stupid and they won’t be forgiven until they figured what pissed their wives so much.

In “How to loose a guy in 10 days”, its about what be expect in a budding romance. In this romantic comedy, Boy meets girl, Girl meets boy, Boy and Girl get to know each other, then Boy and Girl either end happily ever after or Boy pulls a retraining order out on the Girl. In most cases the later is something a girl would never want to happen, but there are things, a lot of things that can provoke this.

In the case Andy played by Kate Hudson and Ben played by Matthew Machoney, Andy deliberately made each Ben crazy in the ways she knew all women could, scare them away. In the movie, her character raised a hundred red flags that would have drove any man insane.

She invaded his home and private space. She went ahead and unexpectedly introduced herself to his parents. Then proceeded to take over his life and even planned ahead ‘their’ future. She pushed herself too aggressively and according to EVT, would cause Ben to feel uncomfortable and most likely pull away and break up.

In any relationship, romantic or not, there is this gradual growth between two people. There is always this fine line between when dealing with someone you potentially might end up with. It may differ in amount of time or phases but one this must always be present… mutuality. Both want there to be this still have this great, new and fun feeling that you didn’t have before meeting but profound comfort and ease with each other.

To Parsimony? Or not to Parsimony?

Parsimony: belief that the simplest answer is always right.

Sometimes the toughest riddles can be solved in the simplest of ways.

“What can you stand on, sit on and sleep on? A ladder, a chair and a bed.”

It’s all right there plain as black and white, but is it only black or white? What about the odd grey area that clouds our better judgment and hinders us from reasonable doubt?

I once knew of a girl. She had just gotten home, which she was sharing with her boyfriend. She noticed something weird. The smell of perfume. This was not possible because her boyfriend, was allergic to perfume so neither wore any. She followed the scent and walked towards their bedroom. There, just outside of the doorway, was a shirt. It was her boyfriend’s shirt, the one she bought him on his birthday. It was left there on the floor, its buttons ruined as if it had been ripped off and it stunk of the same perfume. Then she noticed a pair of jeans, its matching belt still in its loops, lying on the floor like the shirt once did earlier. Then the bathroom door swung open and there standing half naked in only his towel was her boyfriend who was supposed to be at work. He greeted her warmly, but she just stood there, giving him a mean look. He had scratches on his chest and neck, scratches she knew she didn’t put them there.

He first looked at the shirt she had in her hands then looked at himself and realize.

"Babe, its not what you think."

It was too late. She threw the shirt at him and stormed out as quickly as she could.

Now, what’s wrong with this story? It’s so simple… right?

He was clearly cheating on her…

No, He wasn’t.

What had happened was, he got off from work to go to buy a birthday gift for a friend. He got to the department store and accidentally bumped into a saleslady who spilled a bottle of perfume all over him. He quickly got into a taxi and went home. Itching to take his clothes off, he ripped his shirt off and pulled down his pants before getting into the shower to wash the itchy, stinky liquid off him.

It’s hard to believe but it’s true. How do I know?

It was my birthday. Two days after the incident, a week before my birthday, he called me to tell me that he and his girlfriend of two years had broken up.

Not everything can be explained and if they can you can’t always expect the simplest of answers. You can’t expect it from everyone, because it can’t always be expected out of you.

It’s so easy to believe the simple explanations in life; it’s fate, wasn’t meant to be, my dog ate it. But problem is life isn’t simple. It’s weird and complex, definitely tough, but worth it. It’s worth to be explored and examined.

Background

This is my brand new blog. I will be using for my present coma101 class in UP Mindanao under Sr. Dennis John Sumaylo.